7 Reasons why you should get a tutor for your child's 11+

The other day I was scrolling through a social media page, when I stumbled across a mother asking for advice on where to find a tutor for her son who is about to sit his 11+. My goodness – You’d’ve thought she asked who to vote for in the up-coming elections! The arguments were fierce and opinions strong. They ranged from “All tutors are just in it for the money and all they offer is snake oil – There are no guarantees!” to “If your child needs a tutor then maybe they aren’t clever enough to be in a grammar school anyway!”

Harsh! We are talking about ten-year-old children here! – I, for one, am not ready to write off their intellectual career just yet. As for the part about tutors being in it for the money – I would have to

agree. Who among you works for the fun of it and for free? But regardless of this, all the tutors I know are highly professional teachers; usually subsidising a part-time career, while raising their children or approaching retirement.

Some have left mainstream teaching as the constraints within modern classrooms and the expectations of teachers’ out of school working hours are no longer reasonable or viable and they are searching for a better work/life balance, but all have the interests of children at heart. And while Mr Cynical of Lincolnshire might be correct, tutors indeed offer no guarantees, I would argue, neither do mainstream teachers when it comes to GCSEs – Does this make their input less valuable?

This got me thinking about what we do and why we do it… the conclusion I came to is this… Of course, we should tutor our children for the 11+ exam and here are 7 reasons why…

1. Exams are scary!

For most children, this will be the first time they are exposed to a formal exam situation. They happen almost a year before the year 6 SATS as children enter Year 6. Any prior measuring will have been done under the radar of the child and its very unlikely they noticed.

Often the 11+ exams are in the unfamiliar setting of the secondary school, which looks very different from the friendly primary environment they are used to. The scale is bigger; there

are no friendly, primary-coloured displays on the walls. The student helpers are nearly 7 feet tall. This is intimidating. Regardless of how ‘laid-back’ their parents have been, they know this is a big deal; they have been talking about it in their playgrounds for months. They want to do well and the pressure inside them begins to rise. Best case scenario, their parents have been through it before with an older brother or sister, but often, this is the first time for the family. Parents are unsure of the process too.

Families who have a tutor have a sounding board; a place to go to ask all the questions to, (even the ones they think are silly.) Any tutor worth their salt has built the confidence of the child to know

that their value is not dependent on the value of one silly test. They can go through the testing procedure and help the child and family understand how it will all unfold and even do a couple of warm- ups, so the child is familiar with what is expected of them. Most children find this very helpful.

2. Careful honest and ongoing assessment and feedback.

Every parent thinks their child is a genius and rightly so. Indeed, I believe every child has a special talent that can be nurtured from an early age. However, NOT every child’s talent is based in

academia.

Tutors who specialise in 11+ are exposed to a great many children, who for some, selective education might not be right. A good tutor will be able to identify this early and save a lot of money for the parents who can then transfer this into football boots, art classes, musical instruments, or whatever.

I don’t know any tutor who would want a child to open a letter in October, telling them they have failed and personally, I would feel very uncomfortable knowing I had taken the money for lessons

and not had the difficult conversations when they were necessary.

Obviously, sometimes it’s a close call, parents decide to continue lessons against a tutor’s best advice, sometimes the benefit of the doubt is the right thing to do, and sometimes, it just falls apart on test day. But honest and frank conversations with an experienced tutor can and will often save money and disappointment.

3. Developing work ethic.

There is no better feeling than dedicating a specific time to a skill and mastering it! Taking a set hour every week, to focus on a particular goal is good for children. Knowing that good things need

to be worked for is a skill that will stand them in good stead for their adult life and the pride and confidence gained from seeing a job well done, is affirming. Being able to go home and show family

the new skills they have acquired, forms great pride.

All kids want to make their parents proud. Watching a child show off a new skill that was difficult to acquire to a proud mum or dad, is one of my favourite parts of the job!

4. Tutors are not parents.

“The best laid plans of mice and men do often go awry!” to Robert Burns. In our modern families, it is often difficult to find time to sit together for a proper meal with both parents’ careers, kids’ clubs

and social lives. The ongoing pressures of PTFAs, soccer/rugby coaching, and other such familial commitments can quickly mount up and overwhelm.

When we first think of the 11+ tests on the horizon, we romantically see ideals of our kids’ fed and bathed, in their PJs on a Sunday evening, working at the dining table, solving problems and working in harmony. I don’t you about you, but my family isn’t like that!

I had to fight mine off the PlayStation, turn off their internet to a screaming match of “I don’t wanna’s!” Often, I just ‘forgot,’ (which was an easier explanation than “I was exhausted and frankly,

putting pins in my eyes would have been more enjoyable!”) Sometimes ‘other stuff’ took precedence; sometimes I was just too knackered to be the perfect, social-media family!

And I had the skills, resources and experience!

If the lock-down taught us anything, it taught us that teaching your own kids is HARD! It’s much easier, kind on your relationships and efficient to leave it to the professionals. It also allows for the kids to leave their tutoring sessions and ‘teach you’ what they learned, thus consolidating their learning and offering parents the greatest in opportunities to show pride and praise.

5. Socialising.

Transitioning from primary to secondary can be difficult. Primary schools in rural areas are often single form entry and the opportunities for socialising can be limited. Often children socialise

with others they know from football squads or Brownies and other social outlets. When my eldest son went to Grammar school in Spalding, most of his primary friends went to Bourne. He was the

only child from his primary school to move up to his secondary. He was a shy child, and it took him a long time to meet new friends. As I explained to him back then, when children move up to a secondary school, they are fireworks; often showy and loud. They do all they can to be noticed and to find their new social groups. The Rockets look for other Rockets, Roman Candles seek other

Roman Candles; The Catherine Wheels fizz around, searching for other Catherine Wheels. It can be hard if you are a glow worm!

The good news is, the fireworks burn out quickly and the glow worms continue to glow, long after the whizzes and bangs have faded. It takes a few weeks to find each other, but they always do.

For my son, it would have been much easier on him if he’d recognised a face or two in the crowd for those first few weeks at lunchtimes and breaks.

(Oh, and just so you know, it all turned out just fine, he graduated a couple of years ago, has a job he loves and turned out to be a sparkler after all!)

6. They know their stuff.

Any tutor worth their salt will have reems of resources, piles of papers, loads of literature at their disposal. They will have carefully interviewed past students as they come out of exams as to what

was on the tests and will have made note of this. They probably spend a small fortune buying new flashcards and making resources to explain rotational symmetry and other such concepts.

They know what works and more importantly, what doesn’t. They have earned their badge!

7. Tutors make learning fun!

“No significant learning can occur without a significant relationship”, (Dr. James Comer, 1995)

Going to a tutor should not feel like going to school. It should feel a bit like going to a nice auntie who has all the time in the world for you. You should feel safe to ask the daft questions and say, “I just don’t get it!” There should be laughter and joy and kindness and empathy as well as learning. The child should feel he has 100% of the attention of that adult for that hour.

Now, of course, there is (hopefully) no greater relationship a child has than with their parents. But who wouldn’t want another, trusted, kind, educated, interested, devoted, available and knowledgeable adult in their child’s spectrum? A champion for their child? Tutors have the freedom, time and resources to set up their learning space however they see fit. We can give home-made cookies (obviously having gained permission from parents and noted allergens,) and we can be seen to be human, building relationships and connection with the adults of the future.

As the following TED talk points out, there are some incredible teachers and tutors out there who offer so much more than book learning. Finding the right one for your family can make every bit of

difference.

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